My Christmas Boy:)

I couldn’t help but snap a few pics of Keane for Christmas Eve-Eve services. Seriously, he’s just so scrumptious!









THIS IS MY FAV OF HIM!!! He is so playful, spunky, rambunctious and loving! I am so blessed the Lord chose me to be his mommy….tears flowing…

Living life…

I just finished reading this amazing post about life “after the airport” by Jen Hatmaker. It made me realize how long you can be living in this moment. On the day we lost Titus I could have never imagined the long journey of grieving the loss of my child. I could never have known that almost two and a half years later I would be feeling like it just happened. I could have never know the smell of someone’s perfume today would bring me back to that hospital room the days following his birth. I felt like I could have thrown up today as I immediately was transported back to that room, empty arms and a heart that felt it could not shatter into anymore pieces. The reality of his passing is never gone…we live everyday wishing our journey was different. Yes God is a good God and He changes us for His glory through our sorrow and yet I still without wavering would not say I wouldn’t change it if I could. I would, I would in a heartbeat if I were given the magic turn back time machine. Now is is healthy to dwell here, NO! I cannot…so I live in the days after the airport. I get up and do life, but somedays it is overwhelming and the smell of perfume makes me ache all over again. I do not say all of this to restore peoples remembrance of our loss and tragedy and beg for words of encouragement. I say this because someone around you is living life “after the airport”. I want to be the person that remembers people when they are months or even years after their moment. I want to have a compassion of ginormous magnitude that is only possible by the Holy Spirit dwelling within me. So today as perfume brought me back to my horrible moment, I look for the person God has placed before me that is experiencing their moment and how I can love and serve them. I am living life…a statement that did not feel possible immediately following my tragedy but that by God’s undeserving grace is a true statement for me today, even in the midst of smelling perfume…